


Before It's Too Late

by Julian_Nesmith (PhoenixSong13)



Category: due South
Genre: Canada, Love Confessions, M/M, Plot Twists, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:47:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21556969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixSong13/pseuds/Julian_Nesmith
Summary: Fraser has headed north and Ray is heading south. Can Ma turn her son in the right direction before he makes a mistake and loses the most important person in his life?Post series, plot deviation. Ray and Stella Kowalski mentioned
Relationships: Benton Fraser/Ray Vecchio
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Before It's Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I made Ma native Italian but she came to the US at a young age. Please be gentle

Before It's Too Late  
*All characters are the property of Paul Haggis and Alliance Atlantis. I just like to play with them a little. Be kind*

Chicago, Illinois

“You are making a mistake, Raimondo,” came the voice of Terese Vecchio as she stood in the doorway of her son's bedroom, her arms crossed and a frown darkening her usually bright and cheerful face. 

Ray Vecchio looked up from his suitcase, where he was folding and packing the articles of clothing that he kept for his Floridian excursions every couple of summers or so. He wasn't bothering with the long sleeved Armani shirts or matching slacks as he was planning to only need them when he came back to Chicago for Christmas. Miami was calling his name.

“What're you talking about, Ma? It's always been a dream of mine to move to Florida and open a bowling alley… I finally can,” he said, shrugging lopsidedly.

“Yes, you can. I'm not talking about that. It's your life and your money. I am speaking about the person you are taking with you.” Her tone held a strong note of disapproval. 

Ray sighed. “What is it about Stella you don't like, Ma? She's a good woman.”

“I do not doubt her virtues, Raimondo, she is simply not right for you. You do not know her and she does not know you. You have hardly known one another personally for two weeks and yet you are ready to marry her and run off to Miami? Mio povero figlio, non possiedi l'intelligenza che Dio ti ha dato! (My poor son, you do not possess the intelligence God gave you!)” she exclaimed softly in her native Italian, her hands flying in every which direction. 

Ray blinked slightly, feeling a little hurt by that. “That's a little harsh, Ma… I'm not stupid or anything...”

Her hands found purchase on her hips and she fixed him with that trademark glare that belonged to her family, the Mezzalunas. He had seen pictures of his grandfather with that look. He had never met the man and that look put the fear of God into him as a child. 

“You are an idiota when it comes to feelings and common sense. Can you not see how this will end? You and Angela married only knowing one another for two months and look how that came to a finish! You are divorced and hardly speak to each other. Is that what you want, Raimondo?” She came to the end of her rant, almost toe to toe with him now, coming between him and the suitcase.

He really couldn't defend his previous experience in marriage. He and Ange had met when Maria was dating Ange’s brother Giacomo and they had brought their siblings along on a “double date”. He and Ange had agreed that double dating was ridiculous, she told him she loved his eyes, he thought she was pretty, and two months later they were saying “I do” in front of their friends and family. Maria split from Giacomo and married Tony and five years later Ange and Ray were divorced and going their separate ways.

That had messed Ray up for a long time. He had become this sarcastic slimeball that a lot of people really disliked. He had felt like a failure as a man, as a husband, and as a son. He was the eldest and he had ended up divorced and living with his mother and sisters again. He felt like the screw up his old man had always accused him of being.

He was on the cusp of losing his job at the 27th, his passion for the work having died out a long time before then when a fateful case had fallen into his lap, one involving a dead mountie. He hadn't really given it much thought as it didn't have to do with an American cop. He couldn't really understand how it had ended up at the Chicago P.D. to begin with. 

And then the dead mountie’s son had shown up in the form of Constable Benton Fraser and his whole life turned upside down. He made his best friend then and his life began to improve in so many ways, his career picked up, and he found that passion again. Fraser had saved him from himself then and every day since. 

He had just returned from being deep undercover in Las Vegas, something that would never have happened before Fraser. He had taken a bullet in the lung for his best friend and did not regret it for an instant. He never wanted to see that amazing soul snuffed out, especially by the bastard that had killed Ben's mother when he was only 6 years old. Fraser had gone off with that cheap imitation of him, Kowalski, to Canada to catch Muldoon while Ray was convalescing in the ICU. Last he had heard, they were staying to search for some mythical hand or something.

The thought of Fraser brought a mix of emotions that must have shown on his face. His mother's eyebrows went up as she asked him,

“Who was on your mind just now? I know it wasn't that woman you think you're in love with. Your expressions aren’t that complicated when you think of her.”

Sometimes he truly hated how well his mother knew him. But then, he had lived with her almost his entire life so she knew him better than anyone, save for perhaps Fraser.

“I was thinking about Benny. I kind of wish we'd gotten to spend more time together before he ran off with that…. with Kowalski.” He took a breath, trying to push his dislike of the scrawny cop that had become the mountie's partner in his absence to the back of his mind. “It just kind of makes me feel like he replaced me, y'know? Like it didn't matter that I came back.” 

Even to his own ears he sounded jealous. He couldn't help it. The entire time he had been in Vegas, the mountie was never far from his mind. Every morning he woke and Benny came to him in his mind’s eye, a smile on that too handsome face, blue eyes sparkling, pressing a cup of coffee made exactly the way he liked it from Donnetti’s along with two freshly made donuts into his hands. It had become a thing for them in the morning, with Fraser running down to the little bakery before Ray arrived to pick him up to take him to the consulate. That thought started his mornings and kept him going all day. His last thought before he went to sleep was that last phone call, Ben's voice telling him he missed him and he would see him soon.

He honestly felt like he had missed the mountie more than the mountie had missed him.

Terese's face softened and she took her son's face in her soft hands. She looked into his eyes and smiled gently. 

“He could never replace you, figlio mio. When you were gone, he would come to see me and talk about you. He spent the night at least a dozen times and stayed in your room those nights. The first few times he slept on his bedroll and then he started sleeping in the bed. He said it made it feel like you were here. I didn't ask questions,” she said softly, a smile tugging at her lips as she remembered walking in to find Ben curled around her son's pillow.

Ray wasn't sure why, but this revelation brought a warm sensation to his chest. To know that Fraser had gone out of his way to sleep in Ray's bed while he was gone, to come talk to his mother about him made that little niggling ache lessen inside of him. He looked away from his mother for a moment as another ache made its presence known. 

“Then why didn't he come back, Ma? Why did he run off with Kowalski? I really needed him to come back to me…” His voice was soft, sad.

“Maybe he blames himself for you being shot, caro. Maybe he thinks you will be angry with him. I cannot say. What I can tell you is that he cares for you so much. I believe he may be in love with you, Raimondo,” she replied slowly, letting the thought sink into her son's subconscious. 

He turned his head so fast to look at her that he swore he ended up with whiplash. There was incredulity in his eyes and more than just a small amount of disbelief on his face. 

“What? Are you crazy, Ma? He isn't gay or nothing. Remember Victoria? That was all woman right there.”

Terese took his hands and sat with him on the edge of the bed. She took his left hand between both of her own, a warm and comforting presence. 

“Sometimes, love comes unexpectedly and it's not always the way you think it should be. Yes, he had a very stormy relationship with that woman, but has he tried to find her? Absolutely not. He told me during one of our conversations that he almost betrayed you in the worst way imaginable. He hasn't forgiven himself for it.”

“But I shot him… If anyone should be feeling guilty, it's me… I shot my best friend, almost killed him, and he still has that bullet in his back,” Ray told her, remorse thick in his voice. “I think my sin outweighs his.”

His mother scoffed. “This isn't a competition, caro mio. You have both wronged one another, but you have saved each other even more times than that. I have never seen two people more dedicated to one another than you and Ben. I remember that night he saved you from drowning in the trunk of that Comet. You two were bickering over which vehicle you should have taken to stop that woman and he was hovering over you, as though afraid that you were truly injured and not telling him,” she told him, ever observant to everything concerning her children.

Ray nodded a little. “He stayed here that night. I remember. He had me stop so he could grab his bedroll and slept on the floor in here.” At the time, it hadn't seemed unusual. They knew they had a long day of paperwork ahead of them in connection with the Markle’s Used Car scam so it made sense for Fraser to just spend the night. However, now Ray remembered Benny asking every 20 minutes or so if he was warm enough or if he was chilled.

“I think he was more afraid of you possibly catching pneumonia than I was and that is truly a feat,” Terese chuckled. “I also recall the day of Irene Zuko’s funeral. You had gone, having been invited by her mother and Ben found himself on our doorstep, looking lost and very upset.”

Ray frowned. Benny had come to his house that day? Ray didn't see him the day of the funeral or two days after. “He came here? I didn't see him for three days…”

She gave him a look that made him feel like a child again, one that told him to be patient, she was getting there. He returned her look with a sheepish one of his own.

“He told me you hadn't really been talking to him and he was sure you hated him. He felt guilty as well for the personal thoughts he was having about the explosion that killed Gardino.” She looked down at her hands, choosing her words carefully so her son clearly understood what the Canadian had told her. Ray didn't interrupt, listening intently. “He told me that he couldn't stop thinking that it could have been you he buried that day. That bomb was meant for you.”

That thought startled Ray more than it should have. Certainly he knew that his Riviera had been wired with the bomb, but it honestly hadn't occurred to him that he had been the target. And yet it made sense.

Earlier that night, he and Frank Zuko had gotten into it at Scarpetto’s. There had been punches thrown, a few bruised egos, and a bitter taste left in both parties’ mouths. The asshole that had set the bomb and was also part of a group trying to take Zuko down, had been in that restaurant when it all had gone down. He must have thought that taking Ray out would have been truly damning for Zuko. Instead, Louis Gardino had died and Ray had been so obsessed with bringing Zuko down himself that he didn't think about what could have happened.

Ben had tried to make him see reason. He had no reason to protect Zuko and Ray knew that. Fraser wanted to find the real killer so that justice would be served and the Chicago flatfoot had refused to listen. He had been a down right jackass to his best friend. In the end, his hard-headedness and hatred of Frank got Irene killed. If he had listened to Fraser, she would have still been alive. If he could have controlled his temper that night, Gardino might have lived as well.

He let out a deep breath through his nose. “I hadn't thought about it that way…”

“He did. He hated himself for the relief he felt knowing you were still alive, that it wasn't you in that casket. He was fond of Gardino so he did mourn him and he was glad the right person went to prison for it. But he was plagued by nightmares that you hadn't been so lucky. It was keeping him awake at night. I told him it was perfectly normal after something like that and not to worry himself over it. I also told him to give you some time. By the next week you were talking again and everything seemed alright. You even used the insurance money from the car to help him try and save his home and the homes of his neighbors. I've never been more proud than I was of you then, Raimondo,” his mother told him and he could feel the pride in her voice.

“He was determined to save that crummy apartment building. He was willing to make a fool of himself just to try and stop Taylor from ousting everyone. He talked himself hoarse. It was the least I could do for him.”

They sat in silence for a moment while Ray mulled it over in his mind. All the times they had been in danger, all the crazy cases they had been on, the serious moments in the quiet of Fraser's apartment, when nothing was said but antiseptic and bandages were applied to the physical wounds that would heal with time. Sometimes no words were necessary, just the presence of the other man. He'd fallen asleep there a couple times, waking to find himself in Fraser's bed, the mountie either up and making coffee for his friend or on his bedroll on the floor. He never remembered getting into bed of his own volition so he knew that Ben had taken care of him in that efficient, yet unobtrusive way he had.

He had stopped trying so desperately to find a woman. Oh sure, he had had a couple of brief flings (Louise St. Laurent and Suzanne Chapman for example), but he found it wasn't as important to him as before Ben had come into his life. He could recount a few times where he had turned a prospective date down just to spend that time with his partner. He never truly regretted those times no matter how crazy Ben had made him.

They had fallen into a routine, from Fraser's morning run to Donnetti's, to lunch at Al’s cafe, to greasy Chinese takeout after picking the Canadian up after work. Sometimes, his mother would make extra food and drop it off at the precinct so the two men could have a wholesome, home-cooked meal. She'd even pack a few meatballs in there for Diefenbaker, Fraser's wolf.

And if he wasn't at Fraser's apartment, the mountie was at the Vecchio house. He had a long-standing invitation from Terese to eat dinner with them and spend time if he liked. At first, Fraser had politely declined the offer but had started to come over more often after the two men had returned after being hijacked and in a plane crash in the wilderness.

And Fraser was dedicated to helping Ray as much as possible in any way possible. When Ray had hit a dead end in finding a woman who would do some undercover work at St. Fortunata’s, Ben had gone above and beyond the call of duty by dressing as a very convincing (albeit very tall and eccentric) woman. Thanks to him, they solved the case. Ray would have been lost without his help.

Sometimes he could be the most infuriating, annoying man on the planet, but he had a good heart and they always made it out okay. Ray knew that, despite what it might appear like to other people, Fraser kept Ray safe and believed in him. Even when he was being accused of fabricating evidence in both the Robert Kruger case and the Carver case, his solidarity never wavered. 

There were a few times, as Ray thought about it in retrospect, that he would catch his friend watching him out of the corner of his eye during particularly stressful times, concern in those blue eyes. He would always offer something at those moments, whether it was a cup of coffee, a sandwich from the cantine, or a second set of eyes to go over whatever case was proving to be a pain in the ass. It had really never occurred to the detective that he was simply caring for him.

If he thought about it, his mother had a solid case about Ben's feelings for him. The evidence was there and pretty undeniable. Over the past couple of years, Fraser had started letting himself get closer to Ray and even trusting him more. He was caring and tried to alleviate as much stress (that he hadn't caused) as he could for Ray. There were looks, actions, gestures that could be out of love if looked at from the right angle. 

“Do you know what I think, caro?” Terese asked softly. Ray shook his head. “I think the only reason you are ready to marry someone you hardly know is because you don't want to be alone. It has nothing to do with love. You do not love her, she just said yes. You won't be happy with her.”

Ray sighed, closing his eyes and leaning against his mother's shoulder. He felt defeated and exposed, but knew she was right. As usual.

“What do I do, Ma? I don't know what my next step is.”

He felt something hard and plastic being pressed into his hand. He looked down to see the small mountie figure that Carver had sent him as a threat on Ben's life. He had kept it as a reminder of what he could have lost. He glanced back at his mother in confusion.

She smiled and closed his fingers around it. “Go and find him, Raimondo. You cannot let things end this way. There is too much history between you to let it fade into nothing.”

Ray stood and turned to face her. “I guess I'd better unpack the Bermuda shorts and start packing the parka and snowshoes… This is going to be a very cold, unpleasant trip.” He grimaced and thought about the last time he had visited the Northwest Territories this time of year.

Terese laughed brightly, kissing her son on the cheek as she stood as well. She went to the door and looked back at him.

“You will be very glad you went. And maybe you'll find that you never have to be alone again, il mio amato figlio. Dinner is in an hour.” With that, she left him to finish repacking, a smile gracing her lips as she headed downstairs.

****************************  
One Week Later

Benton Fraser had quickly discovered that Ray Kowalski could not handle the bitter cold temperatures of the Northwest Territories. He had come down with a bad case of bronchitis that had quickly turned to pneumonia within three days. He had come dangerously close to frostbite in his fingertips and toes. He just was not meant to be in the frozen wilds of Canada.

He had taken the detective to the nearest outpost and they had transferred him to a hospital in Ottawa. The last he had heard, the man was headed back to the United States on doctor's orders. While it saddened the mountie to think that his friend could not continue the search with him for the hand of Franklin, he knew that Ray would be better off in warmer climes.

Ben had gone back to his father's cabin and started to work on rebuilding it. He had come here a year and a half ago (before Ray Vecchio had gone undercover) for a month and had gotten a good portion of it completed but now he was adding onto it. 

He had rebuilt the main room all that time ago, but had since added a functioning bathroom, hearing Ray's voice in his head complaining about having to go out in subzero temperatures to relieve himself. Even though he knew that Ray Vecchio would probably never come back here, it was still something he had promised the Chicago detective he would do and he was nothing if not a man of his word.

Currently, he was working on a bedroom that would be large enough to comfortably accommodate a Queen size bed, frame and all. Again, maybe it was wishful thinking, but he was building it with Ray in mind. He was always happy to kip on the floor, personally, but Ray liked room to stretch out so he would need something more to his liking.

It was nearing the end of the day, the sun having long since disappeared behind thick storm clouds that were rolling in. Fraser had been trying to finish as much as possible before this storm hit because he could sense it was going to be a really bad one. The last time he had seen clouds like that, it had snowed for three days without slowing and had covered the ground in three feet of fresh powder. Some of the drifts closer to the hills and mountains had been 8 feet in depth. So, by the feeble half light that remained, Ben kept working.

Finally, he could no longer see what he was doing and knew he was done for a while. He drew a tarp over his work and fastened it down as much as possible before heading back into the main room of the cabin. He could already feel the temperature dropping and put another log in the stove, placing his tea kettle up top to heat water.

From beside the stove, Dief whined softly and looked up at the human, concern in his eyes. He could feel the mounting storm as well. 

“I know, boy. This one is going to be bad,” Ben told him, sitting down in the armchair he had bought when he had been here last. He reached down, scratching the wolf gently behind the ears.

The wind began to pick up not long after that, whipping against the windows and shaking the door on its hinges. It howled around the structure, the sound almost eerie to both man and wolf. When Ben looked to the window, he could see the snow already coming down thickly.

*And so it begins,* he thought to himself, closing his eyes briefly. Though he was used to weathering these storms on his own, he found himself wishing that Ray was with him. The Ray who had come up here before, the Ray who had cared when they found out the cabin had been burned to the ground. 

Ray would have been good company, even with his constant complaining and sarcastic remarks. There was never a dull moment when it came to his Italian friend. He missed him with everything in him, his heart aching a little as he thought about how he had left the other man, lying in a hospital bed and recovering from a collapsed lung. All because he had taken a bullet for Ben. 

Fraser let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, his mood turning melancholy. Dief laid his head on Ben's knee and was rewarded with a loving, caring caress to his head and ears. He knew his human was sad, he became very affectionate when he was down.

“I miss him, Dief. I miss his smile, his laugh… his eyes, the way they spark when his temper flares, the way they warm when he looks at me sometimes… I'm an idiot, just like he has said many times.” Ben looked away. 

Dief growled softly, an admonition against his self-deprecating statement. They were going to be stuck together for a while and he'd rather not listen to the human berate himself and tear himself down. Once he got into one of his funks, it was terribly hard to get him out of it.

Before Ben could think to reply to the wolf, there was a loud bang against the front door. Dief’s ears went back and he growled softly, his hackles automatically raising. Ben went from sitting to standing in one fluid motion, his hand grabbing for the barrel of his dad's rifle. He'd made far too many enemies to not keep it close by.

A secondary bang rang out through the cabin. It sounded like a heavy boot being kicked against the bottom right corner. It could easily have been some poor soul who had gotten caught in the storm and was seeking shelter. Or perhaps…

“Yo, Benny! I know you're in there, I see light! You gonna let me in or what?!” came a wonderfully familiar, unexpected voice.

Ben set the rifle on the table as he hurried to the door. “Ray?!” he exclaimed, throwing it open.

There stood Ray Vecchio, dressed head to toe in snow gear, a parka, goggles, and snowshoes. He was completely covered in snow, his cheeks red from the cold, but he was smiling. He pulled the goggles up and those familiar, hazel-green eyes were warm and happy. 

“Heya, Benny. Surprised to see me?” 

Fraser nodded emphatically, pulling the other man in and shutting the door behind him. He helped him start pulling gear off as he spoke.

“Yes, I am. I thought you were headed to Florida,” Ben replied as he divested him of the parka, snow shoes, and snow pants.

Ray grinned as he helped him. “Yeah, well, I realized I was missing the great land of maple syrup and one of it's finest citizens. So I came here instead.”

Finally free of the cumbersome winter clothing, clad in black pants and a blue turtleneck, Ray pulled his friend into a tight embrace. It was returned just as tightly as Fraser felt a warmth settle in his chest and some part of him that had been aching seemed to right itself.

“I missed you, Benny…” Ray said softly, in no hurry to pull away.

“I missed you too, Ray.” Fraser's arms tightened a little. “However did you make it here? Certainly not on foot?”

Ray did pull back then. “Nah, I rented a snowmobile. And I probably shouldn't have undressed yet because I brought some stuff with me and it's attached to the back.”

A smile from the mountie. “I'll get it, don't worry. Sit down by the stove and warm up.”

He put on his coat and headed out into the storm with his lantern in hand. It didn't take long for him to find the machine, detach the rather large bundle that was secured to a sled attached to the back (Ray must have set that up himself) and get back to the cabin. He was not unused to this sort of weather, after all.

When he got back in, he was pleased to see that Diefenbaker was equally excited to see Ray as he was. He had his head on the detective’s thigh, enjoying his ears being scratched by Ray's slender fingers. Dief had always preferred Ray with this activity and that was perfectly fine with Ben.

“I missed you too, fuzzball. I brought you a couple of Twinkies for later if Constable Stick-in-the-Mud is okay with it,” Ray said, looking up at Fraser, grinning.

The mountie chuckled. “I suppose considering it's been quite a while since you shared one with him, I can be amenable this time.”

Ray leaned in and said in a conspiratorial voice to Dief, “I think that was yes in Canadian.”

Dief yipped happily and nosed Ray's cheek. The detective laughed and ruffled his fur before pushing the wolf away gently. 

Fraser set the rather large pack on the floor and Ray got up to help unpack it. There were a few articles of his clothing and quite a large amount of canned goods, a paper bag with potatoes, another with onions, emergency candles, matches, a flashlight and some batteries.

At Fraser's surprised, quizzical expression, Ray told him, “I stopped at the outpost about 20 miles out to just get a couple of things. When I told them where I was headed, they gave me some supplies because of the storm coming in.”

The mountie smiled a bit. “They are good people. We have meat as well. Eric visited a few days ago and brought me some caribou he hunted. They had more than plenty to share.”

Ray made a face. “Caribou? I dunno about that…”

“It's not much different than venison or elk, Ray.”

“Benny… I live in Chicago. The wildest meat I have ever eaten was the one time Ma bought a rabbit from the butcher shop. None of us were impressed, mind you.”

A soft chuckle came from Ben. “To be fair, your mother is a wonderful cook, however, I imagine she had never cooked rabbit before then. One day I will cook one for you, it was my mother's recipe. One thing I do remember of her is that she could cook very well. Much better than my grandmother, certainly. I promise you'll like caribou.”

“I'll hold you to that rabbit, buddy,” Ray laughed. “I'll try caribou for you but don't get too upset if I don't like it.”

“Understood, Ray.”

They put away the canned goods in amiable silence, the crackle from the wood in the stove and the howling wind outside the only sounds. Despite the gap of time between them, it was easy to move with each other, a dance around the cabin almost as they put everything in its place. At one point, they found themselves standing in front of one another, chests almost touching. 

It was as if the air was electrified, the static palpable. Their eyes were on the other’s, locked in an intense gaze. 

Ben's eyes, usually crystalline in color, were a darker, almost midnight blue as they bore into Ray's emerald green ones. The mountie reached out, his hand trailing from Ray's forearm, up to his shoulder, and then down, over the place he had been shot in protecting him. 

When he spoke, his voice was husky with raw emotion and Ray knew there was a double meaning to the words. “I'm so glad you're here, Ray… So glad.”

“Most people didn't think I was going to make it… but I wasn't ready yet. I just got back to you,” Ray replied, putting his hand over Fraser's. 

“You saved my life that day… and I left you. What you must think of me,” Fraser said softly, guilt in his voice.

Ray shook his head a little, drawing close to the other man, his free hand moving around to rest over the place where Ray had shot his friend. “I told you to go get Muldoon. I don't blame you for wanting to stay. At least I feel like my sin is absolved…”

Ben, who had gone very still as he was pulled to Ray, let out a breath. It was… confusing to be held like this. It was almost too much and not enough at once. He had always liked being close to Ray, but this felt like something more that he dare not look at too closely. At Ray's words, he turned his head to face him, confusion in his eyes. 

“Your sin?”

“I shot you and nearly killed you. This absolves me…”

Understanding dawned on Ben and he slid his eyes closed, pulling the slighter man against him, his free hand coming to rest on the nape of his neck. He pulled his other hand from between them, using it against the small of Ray's back to keep him there.

“I want to set you straight, Ray, right here and now. You never needed absolution as you committed no sin that night. Yes, your bullet hit me but that was more my doing than yours. Had I listened to my head instead of my heart, you would never have had to pull that trigger. If I hadn't made the decision to go with Victoria then, I would not have gotten between that bullet and her. You were forgiven a long time ago, Ray. Stop tormenting yourself,” Fraser said in his ear, his voice steady and even.

Ray leaned their heads together, willing Benny to understand his feelings on the subject. It was something they hadn't really talked about, despite how necessary talking was. Ray had carried the guilt with him for over two years and had never brought it up to his friend, especially after the dust had settled and they had started trying to put everything back together.

“I know you forgave me, but I can't forgive myself. I swore she had a gun and I just… I reacted instead of taking a breath and looking again. One more second and you would not have a bullet floating around by your spine somewhere. You wouldn't have had to spend a month in the hospital, dealing with the pain and physical therapy…” Ray's voice was heartbreakingly sad and angry at once. 

“And I would probably be dead now.”

Fraser slowly let Ray go, sitting him down at the table and getting the tea kettle to pour them some tea. He set the tea down in mugs, along with a plate of shortbread cookies he'd purchased from the general store in Yellowknife. Not as good as Mrs. Vecchio’s homemade ones, but decent enough.

Ray looked at him in startled confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I wanted to go with her. Despite the darkness in her soul, I had all intention of taking her hand and going with her wherever she went. What would have likely happened is that I would have eventually realized that there was no way I could let her continue her evil deeds, which she would have eventually done. Becoming a liability to her, she would have killed me like she did Jolle, a bullet between the eyes,” Ben replied, looking down into his tea, stirring it with his spoon. “In all honesty, you saved me by shooting me, Ray.”

There was silence from the other man for a long moment. When Ben looked at him, he saw that Ray's face was pale as he digested that information. 

Finally, Ray managed out weakly, “That's sick, Benny. But probably true, knowing you and knowing her.”

Ben clasped his hands together, bringing them under his chin. He regarded his friend with gentle, kind eyes.

“I think you have done enough repenting for what you perceive as your sin. I am glad you're alive and I'm alive and we're sitting here together in my father's cabin. I can't ask for more than that. I wasn't sure I would see you again, your mother told me you were headed to Miami with Stella Kowalski.” 

Ray chuckled softly. “Why am I not surprised that you stayed in contact with Ma? I thought you were supposed to be up here with Stanley Kowalski,” Ray said, an eyebrow arched as he looked around the cabin. “Unless he's stowed in your bedroll, I don't see him.”

“Ah well…” Fraser scraped his thumbnail across his eyebrow sheepishly. “He became ill in the extreme cold and ended up in hospital in Ottawa. He's stateside again now.”

Ray's face radiated sympathy for the other American. “That sucks. I'm sorry, Benny. That left you up here on your lonesome.”

“That's alright. I'm partially to blame for him getting sick as I didn't advise him on the correct protective gear and clothing to bring. So I suppose this solitude is my penance for that.” He handed Ray a cookie before taking one for himself. “What happened with Stella? I know Ra-- ah, Stanley wasn't too happy when he learned she was going with you. He is still very much in love with her.”

Ray shrugged a little. “We realized we weren't meant to be together. I don't know her and Ma reminded me that's what ended my marriage, we rushed into it without knowing each other. She also reminded me that I had something much better than some fly-by-night fling.”

“And what would that be?”

“A best friend,” Ray said, smiling.

A light flush colored Fraser's cheeks but the smile that graced his lips was pure joy. The mountie glanced down and rubbed his neck under the collar of the white shirt he wore under his red plaid Henley. 

“Hey, Benny?”

“Yes, Ray?”

“Did you really sleep in my bed while I was in Vegas?”

The startled look he received in response had him laughing as he went to grab the Twinkies for Dief. Teasing Ben was fun, but he had also gotten his answer and it left a very warm feeling in his chest with no explanation why.

****************************

After sharing a small meal that Ben put together, they had gone to sit by the fireplace, where the mountie had built a strong, roaring fire in no time at all. Ray was in the armchair at the other man's insistence while Fraser sat on the floor by the cop’s legs. Dief lay curled up on the rug in front of the fire, happily satiated from the Twinkies and a couple of cookies that Ben had given him (surprisingly) willingly.

After sitting in silence for a few minutes, Ben spoke up.

“Your mother told you I slept in your bed, didn't she?” His voice was soft, but inquiring as he turned slightly to look at Ray.

“Yeah, she did,” Ray replied. “Ma told me you'd visit her after I left and spent the night a few times, in my room, at first on the floor and then you started sleeping in the bed. I'm kind of surprised, my bed is way softer than yours in that apartment was.”

Ben had looked down as Rat told him what he now knew. Ray could see that blush on the back of his neck and found it oddly endearing. He reached out a hand, laying it gently on the mountie's shoulder.

“Benny, it's okay. I'm not upset or anything.”

Ben shook his head, gathering his thoughts. “I'm not worried that it might have upset you. The reason I did that was entirely selfish and I cannot feel badly for it. It made it feel like you were still there.”

Ray's grip tightened and he murmured, “Aw, Benny…”

“I know you couldn't tell me you had to leave so please understand that I hold no anger or ill will for how you left, but it left this emptiness that R--Stanley could not fill. He was supposed to be you but he just wasn't. It was all wrong. He didn't dress like you or act like you… He didn't wear the same cologne or use the same hygiene products. He just wasn't Ray Vecchio. Your bed smelled like you and it wasn't hard to imagine you sleeping there. I'm most definitely not sorry for sleeping in it,” Ben finished, not looking at Ray, looking towards the window instead.

Ray wasn't sure what to say to that. Benny had no idea how important, how special that made Ray feel. Sometimes, he felt like just one miserable little ant plugging away at the daily routine and no one really cared if he was alive or dead. And then there was Benny, who had slept in Ray's bed just so it felt like he was there.

He moved his hand to Benny's hair, stroking through the thick, dark locks. It was something his mother had done when he and his siblings were younger and were upset or just needed comforting.

The mountie blinked a little, not having expected that touch. It was soft, soothing, and he couldn't help but to move into the caress. He wound up with his head on Ray's knee as the Italian continued to card slender fingers through the Canadian's hair and over his scalp. 

“You know, Benny… every morning I woke up in Vegas, I thought about you. I thought about our cases and the things we had been through, but mostly, I thought about your smile when you'd greet me in the mornings. That beautifully sincere smile. There were many times I thought about just abandoning the job and going home, just to see you again. And then I'd hear your voice telling me it was my duty to stay right where I was. I knew if I broke my cover, you would have been so disappointed in me. I missed you so much though… every day.” Ray's voice broke slightly on the last part and he cleared his throat.

“Ray… Oh, Ray…” Fraser moved then, up on to his knees, between Ray's thighs. He reached up and cupped Ray's face, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. He looked into those green eyes with so much care and affection that it made Ray's heart ache a little. 

“I wanted you with me, Benny,” Ray said quietly, the feel of Ben’s hands on his skin like a balm to his soul. “All I had were memories and one photo of you they let me keep… I wore it out, taking it out of my wallet every night. I almost called you so many times… just to hear your voice.”

Ben's right thumb ghosted over Ray's cheek under his left eye and it took the Chicago detective a moment to realize that he had wiped an errant tear from his face. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He hadn't meant to get that emotional but he found that he really couldn't care less if he did. This was Benny, after all. He knew emotions were okay to show this man. 

“Ray… every day without you was its own hell. Stanley is a good man but he's not you. I found that silly tape recorder of yours that you bought right before Gerard escaped and was so immensely happy to find the tape inside held a conversation between us during a stakeout. I believe that machine has a defect, by the way… I'll explain that at a later date. I only knew hearing your voice helped. I wish you would have had something of mine…”

Ray said nothing, soaking in his words. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Fraser's face wasn't far from his own. 

“Then why, Benny? Why didn't you come back to me? I know you caught Muldoon and everything… Why couldn't you come home?”

Fraser's eyebrows went up a little at that. “Home, Ray? My home is here… My apartment burned down and I was living out of my office. I had no actual home there…”

Ray scoffed a little petulantly. “You had a home with my family, Fraser! They would have loved if you had stayed with them. You're an honorary Vecchio! And you dodged my question! Why didn't you come back?”

Fraser bit his bottom lip, worrying it a little as he collected his thoughts. His hands had slid down to Ray’s sides, quite unconsciously. Both men didn't seem to find it unusual as the silence grew. Ray could see so many things going through those blue eyes and didn't push the other man to speak until he was ready.

“I thought it would be… safer. I knew you could not be expected to cope with my… my feelings after everything you had gone through in Las Vegas. It would have been incredibly selfish of me to put that on your shoulders,” Ben said slowly, measuredly. He started to move his hands away, but Ray caught them.

“What are your feelings, Benny? Tell me…” he murmured, his heart hammering in his chest like the drums Eric had played late at night in Fraser's apartment.

Fear flashed across that handsome face and he looked away. “Ray, I can't… please don't ask me that question…”

“I already did. I want to know your heart, Ben.”

An uncertain voice answered his. “I don't think you do…”

Ray's fingers clasped Ben's chin, tilting his face up to him. His gaze was steady and unwavering. “Yes, I do. No matter what it is, I want to know.”

Ben searched his eyes for the slightest sign of hesitation and found none. All he saw was patience and encouragement and something else that warmed him inside and bolstered his resolve.

Instead of a verbal response, Ben placed one hand on Ray's waist, his other going to Ray's cheek, cradling his face as he moved up, bringing their mouths together in a tentative, though deep kiss. He was afraid to press too much, afraid that Ray was going to push him away any second, tell him he was disgusting, break the heart that fluttered against his ribs like a hummingbird.

He was not expecting the other man to let out the softest moan, his own hands coming up to grasp Fraser's face and pull him in to deepen the kiss. Ben gasped a little and Ray moved, sliding to the floor on his knees so they were chest to chest, body to body. 

Hands slid from Fraser's face down his chest and sides to his hips, a tight and solid grasp. Ben's arms were wrapped around Ray's torso,. keeping him tight to him.

They broke the kiss after a time, both of their breathing ragged. There was a confused question in Ben's eyes, but a tentative hopefulness burned in their depths. Ray leaned in, touching their foreheads together. He brought up a hand, lightly caressing Benny's hair. The broader man was trembling a little under his hands.

“R--Ray…” he mumbled out, clutching the back of Ray's turtleneck. 

“How long have you felt this way, Benny?” the cop asked quietly, lightly kissing the corner of his mouth.

Ben was silent for a moment before answering. “I knew I was attracted to you when you shot the gun out of Charlie Wong's hand. Despite the fact you were aiming for his chest, it was still very… cool, I guess. My heart was pounding when I looked at you…” Fraser backed away just enough so he could look into his eyes. “I knew I was in love with you when Louis died. I tried to keep myself busy trying to find the real bomb maker because if I let myself think… all I could think to myself was that it could have been you I buried that day.”

Ray could hear his mother telling him that Fraser had confided this to her. It had a stronger impact coming from the man himself. He cupped Ben's face. 

“Benny…”

“After I had made sure you were home safe after Irene's death, I went home. I didn't sleep all night, I now had a face for the person who nearly killed you and had killed Louis. All I wanted to do was go to the holding cell and beat Michael Sorrento until he could not walk.” Ben's voice had taken on a hard, unforgiving edge and the fire in those blue eyes frightened Ray a little. 

“Benny, breathe. It's over. I'm right here with you,” he said soothingly, caressing the cheek under his fingers. 

Ben's eyes closed and Ray could see and feel him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. When he opened them again, his eyes were back to the warm, gentle blues he knew. “I know you are. But I knew then, with startling clarity, that I was in love with you. I knew then that I would have followed you into that grave if you would have died.”

Ray pulled him in again, kissing him gently, lovingly. Ben knew it was an assurance of his solid presence and he held him gratefully. He returned each press of his lips, each touch of his fingers. 

When they parted, Ray chuckled softly. “I don't think I've ever had anyone feel that strongly about me. I'm sorry for all of that, Benny… I'm sorry for how I treated you back then. I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you when you were feeling that way… I love you, Benny…”

Fraser tensed a little in his arms. He looked down between them and tried to voice what he was thinking. 

“Ray, you don't have to… That is to say…”

“I am not telling you I love you because I think I should. I'm telling you because that's how I feel, Benny. I love you,” Ray said firmly. “I haven't known as long as you, but I do know. I realized it on the plane ride up here. I couldn't understand for the life of me why the thought of you being up here with Kowalski pissed me off so badly and then I realized that I was jealous of that scrawny, little…” A breath to compose himself. “I hated him because I thought he had won your heart…”

There was surprise in Fraser's expression as he sat back on his heels. Ray pulled his legs out from under himself and sat cross-legged on the floor. 

“You were jealous… that is a definite first.” Ben chuckled and rubbed his eyebrow. “Stanley has never been even slightly interested. He is very much still in love with his ex-wife. Even if he wasn't, I wasn't interested in him. All I could think of was my Italian detective in Las Vegas. My heart could only belong to you.”

Ray smiled and it was the brightest, most beautiful smile Ben had seen. The cop opened his arms and the mountie climbed gratefully into his embrace. Ray leaned back against the armchair and held his friend tightly to his chest. 

They sat like that for a while, Ray stroking Ben's hair gently. The mountie laid his head over Ray's heart, listening to the steady beat. It was the single most wonderful sound in the world, the sound of life, of love. 

The fire grew low as they stayed like that. Ray's eyes closed as he began to drowse off, tired from the day's events and lulled by the crackle of the fire and the warmth of the man in his arms. Ben chuckled when he heard the soft snores coming from the man holding him.

“Ray. Ray, wake up. If you sleep like this, you'll put your back out,” he told him, sitting up.

Ray opened his eyes, dark green in the half light of the room. He smiled and touched Fraser's chin. 

“Good old Benny… Worrying about my back even though we're cuddling here.” There was teasing and good humor in his voice and Fraser grinned in response. 

“Well, I would hate for you to be in pain from an innocent cuddle, Ray…” He leaned in and murmured in his ear. “There are much more interesting things we could do that would put your back out.”

Ray's face flamed and he stared at the Canadian. He didn't think that Ben knew how to be suggestive, but that tone of voice, the innuendo in those words, had him realizing that Benton Fraser knew exactly what he was doing. And it made the hair on the back of Ray's neck stand up, causing him to shiver. 

“Are you cold, Ray? I could warm you up...” In any other circumstance, that phrase would have been innocent, but when you had the most handsome man in all of North America looking at you like ambrosia before the gods, it most definitely was not innocent. 

As much as Ray liked the attention and knew his feelings for Ben were of love, he knew he wasn't quite ready for this to become intimate. He was still absorbing everything for one thing. He'd never been with a man before, for quite another. 

He must have shown some of his trepidation on his face because Ben's hands found his and squeezed them reassuringly. “Ray, relax. I'm not suggesting anything more than holding one another tonight. I was teasing, I'm not ready for that myself…”

That was a lie, he reprimanded himself mentally. He was more than ready for it, had been for a long time. But he didn't want to scare Ray. He would take this at his pace because he knew the end result would be just that. He had faith in his love, in Ray, that this was a forever situation.

Ray closed his eyes briefly and kissed Fraser's palms. He glanced into those eyes and knew immediately that Benny was fibbing to him. But he could also see the determination and patience that bolstered the love in them. He got back up on his knees, pulling Ben against his chest. 

“Aw, Benny. I hope you know what a wonderful man you are. I'm just tired tonight.” He kissed him tenderly. “I want more than anything to show you how much I love you, but I'm exhausted. It's a long trip here on a snow mobile.”

“I understand that. Plus you had the snow and wind to contend with the last 12 kilometers or so. That is exhausting in and of itself.” Ben pulled back and smiled. “Help me get the air mattress aired up and we'll get some sleep.”

As they stood, Ray asked with incredulity, “You have an air mattress?”

Ben took the item out of a box, along with a pump. He unrolled the plastic and set the pump up to start filling the mattress.

“I bought it specifically with you in mind. I'm in the process of building a bedroom and these floors are terribly uncomfortable,” he said, glancing up at Ray, a smile playing across his lips. “I wanted to be prepared if you showed up.”

Ray crouched down and straightened out the vinyl material so it would fill evenly. It touched him to know that this man thought of his happiness. Typical Benny, always thinking of everyone else. That was just how he was.

“Well, I certainly hope you’re planning on sharing this with me because I’d hate for you to be in your bedroll so far away from me,” the cop said, grinning softly.

“Oh but of course. That’s why I bought a Queen size air bed,” came the simple reply from the other man. 

It didn’t take long at all for them to finish airing up the mattress and covering it in blankets and a couple of pillows. Dief looked at them with something akin to jealousy from his place on the rug and Ben couldn’t help but laugh.

“You may sleep in the armchair, but only for tonight. We will all be comfortable and I don’t have to contend with a sulking wolf.”

Dief woofed softly and stood, padding over to the chair and jumping up onto the cushion. He gave Ben a look as he laid his head on his paws. 

“You do too sulk. You’re as bad as him when you don’t get your way,” Ray interjected, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the mountie.

Both wolf and man looked at him in surprise. It wasn’t often that Ray picked up on the conversation between them and he often chided Ben for ‘thinking he could speak wolf’. 

“I don’t sulk either, Ray. I don’t. I am a mountie,” Ben argued, standing to add one more log to the fire for the night. 

Ray snorted. “It’s your story, Benny. But you do sulk. I can recall many times not wanting to go on some crazy case with you and you would sulk until I finally gave in. You have no idea what a headache it is when you BOTH do it at the same time.” 

Fraser put his hands on his hips, doing a marvelous impression of Ray’s mother. He regarded him calmly, the same way he would look at her when he knew she was about to go into an Italian tirade. 

“Fine, maybe I sulk, but so do you. Occasionally. Especially when I would somehow get in the way of you getting a date with someone from a supermarket department or some such nonsense. You would sulk for hours. It is a natural human reaction when things do not go your way…” Ben trailed off as he saw that Ray was chuckling softly. 

“You’re right, it was nonsense. I couldn’t tell a damn thing from if someone ate broccoli instead of a whole package of Oreos. I read it in one of Franny’s stupid magazines. Yeah, it was a little upsetting that I could never seem to get a date or I would have to stand someone up to run around with you like the Hardy Boys, but the truth is… I think that was fate’s way.”

Ray went to him and placed his hands on Fraser’s arms, a smile on his lips. He reached the one hand up and caressed a cheek. 

“What do you mean, Ray?”

“If I had ever gone through with any of those dates, I might not be standing here with you. I think it was God’s way of making sure we ended up together. So it was completely worth it, every ruined suit, every broken date, every weird product you put on your nose at Petit’s Food Mart. It was all 100% worth it.”

Ben blushed a little at the memory of the meat incident in the first couple months into their friendship. Yes, it had been a little unorthodox how he had discovered that the 'beef’ at the grocery store was actually wild horse meat and had made that little boy sick, but the case had ended well and they had shut down an illegal operation. So it wasn't all bad, really.

“I'm glad to know that you find it was all worth it, even the wearing of the meat. I think everything has been worth it to get here, every single thing. Every injury, faux pas, crazy case… all of it.” Ben smiled and kisses him again, a sweet press of lips. 

Ray's fingers found the buttons on Fraser's Henley, slipping it open and sliding his hands under it. He pulled the hem of the white T-shirt out of the back of Ben's jeans, baring the flesh to his touch.

Ben broke the kiss, a questioning expression on his face. “Ray, what…?”

“I am undressing you so we can go to bed. Like I said, I'm not up to anything else tonight.” He slid the Henley off Ben's shoulders. “I'm just enjoying it as I go.”

The mountie relaxed then and let Ray pull the T-shirt off of him, lifting his arms to aid his mission. He was bare-chested now, standing in front of Ray.

Ray took in the sight, trailing his gaze across pale flesh. With his hands resting on Ben's waist, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to the hollow of the other man's throat, suckling and nibbling at the tender skin. 

Fraser gasped quietly, one hand going to the back of Ray's head. He felt Ray's fingers ghost over the firm, taut muscle of his abdomen and it sent little shockwaves through his body. He could feel his arousal start in the pit of his stomach, a warm and pleasant sensation. 

He knew that this couldn't continue or he might not be able to control himself and he didn't want to frighten Ray. He placed his hands on the Italian’s shoulders and pressed him back gently. He smiled at the question in Ray's eyes and kissed his forehead. 

“I'm sorry but I have wanted you too long for me not to react to that. This could get very awkward very quickly and I don't want that. I love you,” he said, nuzzling him. 

Ray's face relaxed and he smiled, pulling him close as he understood the situation. He hugged Benny close and kissed his cheek.

“You're right. That was a little selfish of me and I'm sorry…”

The mountie shook his head and smiled. “Don't be sorry. I just know how much I'm attracted to you. Let's get ready for bed.”

He helped Ray out of his turtleneck and pulled the black undershirt off of him. They now stood in equal states of undress before each other. Ray blushed a little and looked away. He was always a bit ashamed of his thin frame, lack of muscle. He knew Benny had seen him almost naked a few times before but he felt more self-conscious now that he knew there were feelings between them of a more than friendly nature. 

Ben, on the other hand, was drinking in the sight. Ray was wiry but he knew how deceptive appearances were. This man had carried him through the woods over his shoulder for miles. He was strong and loyal and determined. 

There was a light trail of fine, dark hair that started on his chest and dusted down his belly and disappeared under the band of his slacks. It was alluring on olive skin. 

“Ray, you are so beautiful…” Ben whispered, reaching out to run his fingertips through the hair. 

The detective released a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. He glanced back and saw nothing but honest sincerity on that face . The knot that had.formed in his throat as he had anticipated a negative reaction loosened up considerably. 

“I don't think I am but if you do, then I must be. Everyone knows that Benton Fraser doesn't lie. For.the record, you are like those statues we used to look at in our history books, the ones of the Roman gods. Like Adonis in the flesh,” Ray said, covering Ben's hand with his own. 

Fraser brought their hands up, kissing Ray's fingers. He'd had many women tell him how attractive he was but it meant so much more coming from the man he loved. 

“I need to change into my long johns… Did you bring sleep clothes?” he asked, stepping away to get the aforementioned undergarments.

Ray went to his clothes, which were piled in the corner. “Of course I did. I know better than to come unprepared.” 

After making sure Ray was turned away, Ben divested himself of his jeans and slipped into his long johns. He could hear the rustle of Ray's slacks hitting the floor and then the sound of sleep shorts being pulled up. 

When he was certain that they were both dressed, he turned. Ray was already seated on the right side of the mattress, pulling his socks off. Ben sat on the other side and was struck by an interesting thought.

“Ray, do you always sleep on that side of the bed? I was under the impression that you slept on the left side…”

Ray paused and thought about it. “When Ange and I were married, I learned to sleep on the left side. With you, I feel like you are the left side sleeper. It just feels right to be on this side with you.” An embarrassed blush made itself known as he realized how absurd that sounded. "Eh. Don't mind me. That sounded really stupid."

Ben wrapped an arm around Ray and laid them both down and kissed his neck gently. He smiled against his skin. 

“I agree with your thoughts, Ray. It isn't stupid at all. This feels right.” He was silent for a moment. “My father told me once that he had a lot of reservations about living with my mother. He had always been a solitary man, used to sleeping in bedrolls on his own, used to doing things by himself. The first night they shared a bed, he said it was as if they had already been together for years. He said that was when he knew that it was true love.” 

Ray turned his face and kissed Ben's forehead. He pulled Ben down so that the broader man was resting against his shoulder.

“Ma told me the same about Pop. They just fell into rhythm together. Pop wasn't always a yutz, it happened after my brother…” Ray looked up at the ceiling. “Joey came out of the closet when he was 14. Pop wasn't thrilled about it, but he just chose not to say anything and ignore it. It worked for a while. Until Joey got the crap beat out of him in ‘82. It was during the AIDS scare and it became common knowledge that he was gay. He was on life support for a month but he was braindead. Pop was already a drunk, and a mean one to boot, but it got worse after that. Ma said he was completely different when they got married. She said he was the love of her life. Time and alcohol changed him.”

Ben propped himself up on his elbow. He gazed down at Ray, scrutinizing him. It hadn't escaped the mountie's keen perception that there was bitterness and worry in Ray's tone and he knew exactly what the man was thinking.

“You are nothing like your father, Ray. You are a good man, a strong provider… You are Ray Vecchio and a fine human being,” he told him, cupping his face.

Ray was quiet, looking up at him. Ben could sense that he was having some kind of inner conflict with himself and waited patiently for him to speak. 

“Benny, everyone assumed that Ange and I didn't make it because we didn't know each other. That was only part of it. I started drinking really heavily because work was stressful and I wasn't handling it well. I took my and Ange's savings to buy that first Riv and she was mad. She was so angry with me. At first, she seemed okay but I realized pretty quickly that she was pissed. One night, I came home late from work, I was tired, and I was already kind of drunk. I'd started adding shots of bourbon to my coffee during the day. She must have had enough of hiding her real feelings on the subject because she started screaming at me, telling me I was an irresponsible loser. I got angry…” Ray looked away, swallowing hard. “Benny, I hit her. I backhanded her across the mouth, drew blood. It was like the air got sucked out of the room and I was horrified at what I did. I packed a bag and left. The next day, we decided to divorce. She was ready to forgive me but I wasn't ready to forgive myself. I thought of Ma and Pop. She forgave him again and again and he never wised up. I didn't want to be him.”

“Did you ‘wise up’, Ray?” Ben asked softly. His eyes had only widened fractionally at the revelation and his arm was still around the slighter man. 

“I dried myself out after that. I didn't touch a drop of alcohol for two years. Now, I will only have one drink at a gathering and I will have two beers at home. And that's only once a month if that.”

Ben smiled and kissed him deeply, surprising Ray. He thought he might be met with disapproval or upset, but there was no hesitation in Ben's actions. When he pulled back, his eyes were gentle. 

“Then you really are nothing like him. I think Angela saw that too. You realized immediately that you did not want to be that way and you rectified it. That makes you a good man with a strong sense of right and wrong. I'm proud of you, Ray. Very proud.”

He rolled so he was on his back with Ray against his chest. The cop laid his head over Ben's heart. It meant everything to him to hear that he wasn't like his father, especially from Benny. He had been afraid to admit hitting Angie to this man, afraid it would taint their friendship. But Ben could see how repentant he was, how hard he had tried to make sure he never became that person. 

“I love you,” Ray whispered. "As God as my witness, I will always strive to be someone you are proud to be with. What you think of me matters most in this world, Benny…”

Fraser stroked the fine hairs at the base of Ray's neck, kissing his forehead. The detective reached down and took Ben's free hand in his, twining their fingers together. 

“And I will strive to be less obnoxious and refrain from ruining any more of your clothing. I'm sorry for both,” Fraser said quietly.

Ray chuckled into the fabric under his cheek. “Just be gentle with my clothes. I love you just the way you are, mio amato.”

They lay in silence together and it wasn't long before Ben heard Ray's soft snores. He smiled and reached down for the covers, pulling them up and over the two of them. He bundled the slighter man up and closed his eyes. Before sleep claimed him as well, he murmured, 

“I love you just the way you are too, Ray. Good night, love.”

He drifted off into the most peaceful, restful sleep he had had in a long time. Outside the snow continued to blanket the house and the two men and wolf slept soundly into the night. 

THE END?


End file.
